Form
Tense
Movement
Through space
Until what seems
random, actually serves
a purpose, a point -- with force and power
and with action, always, ever, there is a
reaction; with your heart
with your head, without
thought. Until you're
left with only
stillness
balance
again
they are the same to me
martial arts and poetry
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Sweeter than Love
- sin #6 -- take a guess ! -
“I was thinking that maybe we could have a talk.”
Those words planted fear in the hearts of most men, but not Tony. Tony loved to talk, loved to mull things over and analyze them. That’s why he graduated with a psyche major and what made him a damn good crisis counsellor.
“What do you want to talk about?” Tony responded. He looked up from the crossword puzzle he was working on. Lisa was great that way. She would come over and they could just hang out.
“Us,” she said.
Tony paused. He wondered what could be up. He had been a more-than-ideal boyfriend.
“You’re so wonderful,” Lisa went on, her brown eyes earnest, trusting. “We have great conversations, you listen to what I have to say and you’re always so thoughtful, bringing me flowers or helping me with my work.” She took in a deep breath. “You’ve even told me you love me.”
Tony waited for the but.
“But you rarely kiss me,” she said. “I mean, really kiss me.”
Lisa’s expression was expectant of a response.
He cleared his throat before he spoke. “I guess I just am still holding back because of Priscilla.”
Priscilla. His ex-fiancee. He had spent seven years waiting for her. Always a delay in their marriage. She was everything Lisa was not – demanding, acerbic, angry. Then, she returned one week from a business trip announcing that she was building a house with some guy in Vancouver.
“I d-don’t understand,” Lisa stammered.
Either did Tony. The first time he kissed Lisa, he thought of Priscilla. He let go of Lisa immediately. If Lisa knew, it would kill her. And yet, the thought of Priscilla knowing that he kissed Lisa aroused him.
How could he explain that? “It’s difficult to be with you that way when I’m still recovering from the hurt from Priscilla,” he said. He knew himself well. He loved Lisa. He didn’t want to hurt her. But he also hated Priscilla.
After the first time he had kissed Lisa, he had met that tall, willowy wisp of a girl in the bar. She was exactly the kind of girl that Priscilla detested. So, he brought her home and made certain each kiss, each touch was special. Thrilling. It was such sweet revenge.
Lisa grasped Tony’s hand in hers. “Well, what can we do to get over this? We need to work through this or we can’t move on Tony.” Her voice was patient, though her words were pleading.
He knew what he needed to do. He needed to stop sleeping with those other women. Priscilla would have hated that too. His delight was even richer when he started seeing multiple women at the same time. Some for a few weeks. Some for a few hours.
“What can I do to help, Tony?” Lisa’s eyes bored into his.
He had thought about taking Lisa to bed. But, it wasn’t the same. He cared about Lisa. He cared what happened to her. With the others, he could bury his humiliation under sweet surrender – focus on each breath, on each sweet stroke of pleasure – his pleasure, knowing his bliss would bring Priscilla pain.
By now, he had sent enough pictures and videos for Priscilla to know what was going on. He wouldn’t give Priscilla the satisfaction of moving on with his life. He didn’t want to.
Tony pulled his hand from Lisa’s grasp.
“There’s nothing you can do, Lisa. Nothing you can do at all.”
“I was thinking that maybe we could have a talk.”
Those words planted fear in the hearts of most men, but not Tony. Tony loved to talk, loved to mull things over and analyze them. That’s why he graduated with a psyche major and what made him a damn good crisis counsellor.
“What do you want to talk about?” Tony responded. He looked up from the crossword puzzle he was working on. Lisa was great that way. She would come over and they could just hang out.
“Us,” she said.
Tony paused. He wondered what could be up. He had been a more-than-ideal boyfriend.
“You’re so wonderful,” Lisa went on, her brown eyes earnest, trusting. “We have great conversations, you listen to what I have to say and you’re always so thoughtful, bringing me flowers or helping me with my work.” She took in a deep breath. “You’ve even told me you love me.”
Tony waited for the but.
“But you rarely kiss me,” she said. “I mean, really kiss me.”
Lisa’s expression was expectant of a response.
He cleared his throat before he spoke. “I guess I just am still holding back because of Priscilla.”
Priscilla. His ex-fiancee. He had spent seven years waiting for her. Always a delay in their marriage. She was everything Lisa was not – demanding, acerbic, angry. Then, she returned one week from a business trip announcing that she was building a house with some guy in Vancouver.
“I d-don’t understand,” Lisa stammered.
Either did Tony. The first time he kissed Lisa, he thought of Priscilla. He let go of Lisa immediately. If Lisa knew, it would kill her. And yet, the thought of Priscilla knowing that he kissed Lisa aroused him.
How could he explain that? “It’s difficult to be with you that way when I’m still recovering from the hurt from Priscilla,” he said. He knew himself well. He loved Lisa. He didn’t want to hurt her. But he also hated Priscilla.
After the first time he had kissed Lisa, he had met that tall, willowy wisp of a girl in the bar. She was exactly the kind of girl that Priscilla detested. So, he brought her home and made certain each kiss, each touch was special. Thrilling. It was such sweet revenge.
Lisa grasped Tony’s hand in hers. “Well, what can we do to get over this? We need to work through this or we can’t move on Tony.” Her voice was patient, though her words were pleading.
He knew what he needed to do. He needed to stop sleeping with those other women. Priscilla would have hated that too. His delight was even richer when he started seeing multiple women at the same time. Some for a few weeks. Some for a few hours.
“What can I do to help, Tony?” Lisa’s eyes bored into his.
He had thought about taking Lisa to bed. But, it wasn’t the same. He cared about Lisa. He cared what happened to her. With the others, he could bury his humiliation under sweet surrender – focus on each breath, on each sweet stroke of pleasure – his pleasure, knowing his bliss would bring Priscilla pain.
By now, he had sent enough pictures and videos for Priscilla to know what was going on. He wouldn’t give Priscilla the satisfaction of moving on with his life. He didn’t want to.
Tony pulled his hand from Lisa’s grasp.
“There’s nothing you can do, Lisa. Nothing you can do at all.”
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